Recently I have been hitting a lot of walls. I push myself forward and find that none of my plans work out. Some goals that seemed doable now seem unending and tedious. I've had a lot of ambition over the years but I'm slowly losing steam. I believe that God is showing me that He needs to be first and when I push Him aside to pursue my goals, things will not progress like I want.
My parents used to have a tiny dog that was a ball of energy. She would chase the ball for hours and still want people to throw it for her. Over the years her desire for that ball diminished and near the end of her life she would barely chase it at all. I have put a lot of energy into many pointless tasks and although I don't think they were necessarily a waste, they were not very important. I think God lets us burn ourselves out and come to the end of ourselves so we can finally come to Him and look at our situation honestly.
Early in Moses' life he was very ambitious. He wanted to fight the oppressive power of the Egyptians and ended up killing one of them to defend an Israeli. His people didn't react the way he thought they would and he ended up having to flee to the desert where he spent many years farming. I believe this time was for him to mature and grow out of his ambition. When he came back years later, he had matured and learned a lot about leadership by being a Shepard. Not achieving his goals was the most important part of what lead to Israel being freed. If God had let him get what he wanted then things probably would have ended disastrously because he wasn't ready.
When Peter was fishing all night he caught nothing. Jesus came to him and told him to cast his net again. He did reluctantly and ended up catching a lot of fish. It's easy to push yourself and very often it is important but only by listening to God's direction do we truly become fruitful. I feel like I have been fishing all night and have caught nothing. I believe that God is calling me to put Him first and to start spending more time seeking Him.
One thing that I am learning is that I need to spend time with God. I know it sounds simple but when I get excited about something I usually dive in and push everything else aside, including God. I believe He is calling me to spend time with Him everyday and to write more which is something I haven't been very keen to do. I used to have the goal of one hour a day and God did amazing things in my life during that time. Over the years I lost perspective and my devotion slowly slipped away. For now I am putting aside some of my goals that have consumed my life and I am just going to focus on my Savior. I know that when it is time he will open things up for me.